Dune old vs new

 

It doesn't take much snooping around on the internet to find a ton of opinion articles about how the new Dune movies are so much better (than Lynch's old Dune) because they follow the book more closely. The point that they follow the book "more" closely... prob true. Are they better? I think that's debatable. 

I love Lynch's Dune for a ton of reasons. I think it's visually a masterpiece. And in the ways it does follow the book, it does a nice job. What I mean is, watching the movie and looking for cool little subtle details yields wonderful results. The cast is excellent. And it does some things right where the new movies fail... I'll get into that. 

The new Dune... I like the first one (haven't seen the second one yet) enough. I do think it's a bit of a snore fest. It doesn't feel like they had enough material to fill the runtime (an annoying trend with lots of films ever since LOR). But that's to be expected. The cast is very good. And, if one were to do a side by side comparison with Lynch's Dune, it prob does follow the book more closely. 

Ok. Now for the parts that some people might get grumpy about...

First, the use of shields. Admittedly, this isn't done visually great in the Lynch version but at least they work conceptually truer to the book. Which is a truly interesting take on shields and a significant aspect of the Dune universe. How shields work guides how combat works. The trilogy of ballistic weapons, shields, and laser weapons is sort of a rock, paper, scissors of military strength when combined with the politics of the world, making for interesting power dynamics. Without having shields represented properly completely cheapens the Dune universe in ways I find unforgivable in the new movie. It was pure laziness, how they handle this, and a missed opportunity. We could have had unique combat scenes, taking advantage of modern film special effects techniques. Instead we got video game reminiscent shields that are nearly pointless, with generic combat that is beyond boring to watch. Just terrible. This is such a major fail in the newest Dune, I would say it ruins the movie a far as following the book is concerned. Maybe harsh, but they had a chance to do this right and chose not to. 

Next... the Harkonens. In the book and in Lynch's version they're truly horrifying. Beyond being cold blooded killers, we get a sense of their culture of being inbred, sadistic, and racists, and led by a pedophile in the Baron. And we see how truly power hungry the emperor is to be willing to side with and work with these people. (I mean, the emperor is plenty horrible in his own ways... Sardaukar?!). So, in comparison, the new movie Harkonens are a clown show. Barely a better rendition than the sci fi channel take on them (at least being made for tv and low budget... nobody can mind them being this way in that version). BTW, I think the sci fi channel Dune is worth seeing... a story for perhaps another day. 

In the end, I have no real problems with the new Dune. I'm glad it exists. I find it annoying that so many can't stop gushing about how it follows the books when it definitely gets major things wrong. (But at least they did make the ornithopters look cool!). Decent movie. Worth seeing once. The Lynch version, though, truly memorable. Flawed for sure, but worth seeing. And  I think a better overall movie. I enjoy it over and over. The visuals alone mean at least it's not gonna waste your time. 

Mannequin (1987)

This movie... oh, Mannequin... it is a movie. The most interesting aspect for me is that Andrew McCarthy managed to star in two films about dead things where he spends the entirety of the film trying to convince people are alive. (Weekend at Bernies?!). That seems like a pretty niche genre and somehow he did that!

Overall Mannequin has some funny parts. Unfortunately, they don't make up for the fact that the entire conflict of the film, two rival department stores vying for all the customers and willing to fight each other in the most underhanded of ways, makes no sense... even in the context of the times. Then, quality window displays are the difference maker?! I mean, it is kind of hilarious, but so so stupid that it just doesn't work.

But that's obviously not the point of the movie, really. The point is that somebody needed an excuse to put Kim Cattrall in as many hot outfits as possible and play into some dorky dude hetero male fantasy. It's like the Indian in the Cupboard, but for that population. So silly, though. After denying all those potential royal suiters in ancient Egypt, now she's going for this guy? That is also funny. I love suspending disbelief for imaginative movies, but then certain lines are crossed and something just doesn't work at all. Ha!

And then... there's the fact that too many of the jokes don't land nowadays. They're sexist and/or homophobic, playing off stereotypes in not a good way. Oof. I am tolerant of the fact that movies made in a different time can sometimes not age well or have to be considered in context of their era, and I can sometimes glance the other way to enjoy a film. But, sometimes it is too much, this is one of those times. Oh well.

Twins

I recently rewatched Twins, first time since back in the day. I had my doubts but found myself truly enjoying it. The film doesn't try to do too much and remains mostly funny. Yes, some of the gags are super stupid and if I was seeing it for the first time today, I prob wouldn't have enjoyed it so much. But that's not reality. It's got some nostalgic tugs and enough to entertain, and Devito and Schwarzenegger and brilliant in those roles. Still worth watching...

Jurassic World Dominion

The movie, compared to budget, could have possibly been worse, but not much. The dinosaurs look like video game animations. The script is pretty stale, with lots of predictable cringy one liners. The action is mostly boring. The premise with the villain doesn't really involve dinosaurs, so disappointing. I will say, Jeff Goldblum's character is entertaining when he's on screen. And I did shed a tear at the end because I'm a sucker for a tug on the heart strings. But overall, skip this one in the series.

Angel Heart

I liked this movie a lot. I finally saw Angel Heart for the first time after never having heard of it despite it being about 35 yrs old. I can honestly say, it stands out as unique. It's artful enough to stay interesting despite being fairly predictable. And the zinger ending didn't really land for me. But I wanna say, who cares. For this movie, the journey is still enjoyable. Wow, though... some scenes are unnecessarily brutal and kinda gross, so be ready for that. Maybe that kind of thing can be part of the appeal for some... I dunno. 😆 

Jungle Cruise

It isn't great, but since I checked it out of the library and needed something mindless to watch, it delivered. This is one of those movies that's such a blend of CGI and people that you wonder if the whole thing was filmed in front of a green screen. Much of the CGI sucks and Jungle Cruise will likely age poorly. But, I like the Rock and Emily Blunt, and Paul Giamatti, and seeing nazis get their butts kicked... so overall, watch it once. It gets the job done for what you'd expect despite being firmly mediocre.

Masters of the Universe Revelation

First of all, spoiler alert... if you haven't watched MOTU Revelation yet, maybe pause and go do that... if you care. 

Anyway, I know there are mixed feelings all over the internet about this show. Interestingly, I haven't heard anybody discuss the issues I have with the program. I want to first mention, I'm a huge MOTU fan. I've watched all the original series He Man and She Ra, and loved the 2001 He Man reboot and the newest She Ra reboot. All awesome. (I haven't watched the New Adventures, as it's been elusively difficult to find). All the stuff about Teela being a central character, Orko dying (or did he?!), and the animation... I'm good with. The issues I have with the new show has primarily to do with the fact that it boasts being a continuation of the original series. For that to be, it must follow a few guidelines outlined by that series to actually work. By the way, I'm totally good with updating a show to the modern era, taking creative liberties, and changing aspects of it that makes a show cooler. We need more diverse characters and stories, so I am generally always into changes along those lines. And I wanted so badly to love MOTU Revelation... I just can't. It's so damn mediocre it hurts. 

On a level, these points may seem nitpicky but since the plot wouldn't be possible without them, I'm gonna plant them firmly in the lazy writing dept. So, I have to assume that either 1. The writers haven't watched the original show, or 2. They don't care. Either way... unacceptable. Do a reboot instead. 

First, King Randor banishing Man at Arms for not revealing Adam is He Man. No. It's too out of character. But also, MaA would just be following orders from a prince by keeping that secret. Sure, Randor would be mad his son is gone and the news of being He Man would be a shocker, but kick his most valuable soldier out of the kingdom at a time of crisis?! When the man's daughter is also the best soldier?! I think not. It makes no sense and they had so much history together, they'd work through it. Especially with Queen Marlena's POV and influence in there, yeah... gimme a break writers. Of course, the plot couldn't happen without this happening, so lazy writing strikes. 

Next, we have a situation that clearly disrupts the balance of Eternia. Who should be there? Zodac. Or, maybe even a whole mess of cosmic enforcers. This is a major oversight that needs explaining for anything that happens in the show to work. Why are they not there? We get the little nod through the member of Greyskull's posse. Why didn't that dude speak up?? Lazy. Explain why. Even if it's something like, they lost all their tech due to some maguffin, or something silly. 

Why bring up Trolla? Then it needs to be acknowledged how Trolla works, with Orko being a good magician there, instead of a klutz. The show didn't need to bring up the place, but decided to go there... just to mess it up. Orko still being a klutz even in Trolla is another detail that, if continuing off original series, is a big mess up. Or, if they weren't really in Trolla, Orko would know instantly when his magic didn't work right. So this ends up being so annoying. 

Now for He Man...

Calling on the power of Grayskull once already He Man? Does it seem remotely possible that he wouldn't think of trying that if it were a thing and wait until now to do it? No, it does not seem possible. That's because it's not a thing in the original series and shouldn't be a thing if this show actually continued from the original series. Just, no. It's stupid and not part of the character's powers. 

Finally, stabbing He Man while mid transformation like he's in a vulnerable state. I don't buy it. Here's why. The most we see in the original series to indicate he's transforming is a brief flash of light, not much more than a blink. All the rest, the song, the changing of Cringer into Battlecat, it all happens outside the normal experience for others... so it happens for He Man and Battlecat but not for nobody else. This logically leads to it seem like no time passes between when Adam changes to He Man, it's a blink. He's either one or the other. But once again, this was a tactic to further a flimsy plot. And it makes no sense. 

The problem is, there's a lot of good writing on TV right now. Why not take the time to get this stuff right? They had good animation and other aspects of Revelation are nice updates (like Teela being a badass) and are well done. Unfortunately these story flub ups undermine the good qualities of the show. So it comes across as unthought-out fan fiction at best and at worst, a cash grab on people's nostalgia. 

Here's to hoping part 2 is better. 

All Superheroes Must Die (2011)

Last night I had the pleasure of watching All Superheroes Must Die, a movie I picked up at the Dollar Tree. Now, that can be a mixed bag and maybe I wouldn't be so fond of this one if I'd paid more for it. Who knows. The fact is, ASHMD is a quirky low budget movie that tackles the Superhero concept in a way that was new for me. While at the same time, it has plenty that'll be familiar to anyone who has spent any time with the popular genre. 

First of all, I don't think this movie would exist without the current Marvel and DC movie craze, it needs those as a foundation to riff off of. Yet, I think it's more interesting than anything those two have released. I find myself so bored with the rehashing continually on the part of both of those, Marvel especially, that I can't remember which ones I've seen or haven't and what happened in what movies... it's all a blur. 

Meanwhile I'm convinced that the reason ASHMD got terrible reviews (according to their Wikipedia page) is because it didn't deliver a package at all similar to what those big box office films do. Did anybody notice the budget of $20K???? Unbelievable what it accomplished with that. 

Let's do some math... take the 2012 release of The Avengers for example. 143 minutes of movie with a budget of 220 MILLION. So the outcome is about 1.5 million per one minute of movie. That one minute of Avengers could pay for ASHMD 76 times and still have beer money left over for the cast and crew. (You'd think for the big budget movies they could at least pay somebody to write a decent script *jab*jab*). Okay, so next time somebody is shitty about a movie, also take a look at what they had work with. Or, don't. Up to you. To me, it matters. 

So, it's about a team of heroes that face off against an arch villain who's taken their powers and put them in a sort of running man situation. But, it's rigged against them and there's no way to save everybody. It gets kind of brutal and the practical effects are not bad. The sets are not bad. The acting, while it has a made-for-tv vibe, is not bad. The script, while it kind of reminds me of a high school movie project in a few regards, is actually not too bad. The costumes are not bad. Actually, they're fun. 

I was expecting something along the lines of Mystery Men or maybe Watchmen when I sat down to watch ASHMD, but I knew nothing about it. So, at first I was a little bummed, but I got into it. There is a type of catharsis that comes from watching the heroes get their asses kicked, have to experience a real pain and loss and even lose saving the innocents. There were also a few twists that surprised me. And I liked the team dynamics. Even though, I would have a hard time believing any in ASHMD could face off against a team of Marvel/DC peeps. Instead they reminded me of what I'd hoped White Wolf's Aberrant ttrpg would provide, something as much human as hero and actually vulnerable. 

The pacing moves right along at a consistent clip. And I've read there's a sequel, and guess what? I'd like to try and see it. It's probably cool. 

Okay.... if you enjoy the indie low budget movie, give this a shot. It's interesting and unique (and way way way better than Shadows and Lies :-D). If you have no patience for that and need the big budget special effects, you'd be better to skip this one. That's the bottom line. I was pleasantly impressed. 

The Warlord: Battle for the Galaxy (aka The Osiris Chronicles) (1998)

Have you ever wondered what a sci fi movie would be like if you filmed it in your living room and backyard? Using nothing but a green screen and a Pentium for special effects? Now you can know. Just watch Warlord Battle for the Galaxy.

It has a real solid made for TV vibe with parts that will remind you of STNG, Babylon 5, Star Wars, and everything cheesy that went into sci fi space shows of the 90s. And I can't really complain. It's plenty entertaining. 

The main character, played by John Corbett, is initially too whiny but he grows on you. It helps that Corbett has one of the best voices for narration. (Remember Northern Exposure?) You get some of that here. I could seriously listen to the guy talk all day. 

Some cool aliens show up and there's a fight involving a flaming flail thing. There's also some almost tasty spaceship chase scenes. All acceptable. 

The plot involves rescues and starting revolutions, and some minor generic sci fi government BS. It's all so we can meet the new crew for the spaceship that was definitely designed to take center stage for a show that never happened. I can imagine, while the movie reminds the viewer of so many beloved storylines, it's not better than any of them and doesn't bring anything new to the table. Oh well. It's available to watch on YouTube so ease of access can give watching it a boost in probability. 

Go check it out. Fun stuff. 

Deathstalker 4: Match of Titans (1991)

Rich Hill is back and I can only imagine the relief long time Deathstalker fans must have felt to see that, in 1991 when this film was released. I gotta say, this one truly captured the vibe of the first Deathstalker movie and that alone makes it watchable.

Right off the bat the movie addresses how Deathstalker doesn't have his magic sword and what happened to it. I felt like this was a nod to number 2 and 3 in the series, where the magic sword isn't ever mentioned. Like, here ya go... here's why we never said anything about the sword. Then when Deathstalker finally does get his sword back, near the end, it does a bunch of stuff that it never could do before. This ends up being pretty hilarious and somehow is totally fine. It's probably good he didn't get it back earlier, he'd have been near unstoppable.

Also interesting, the movie had much the same plot as Deathstalker 2, at least as far as centering around a tournament that a bunch of warriors have to fight in, and Deathstalker meets a few on his journey there. It makes one wonder, do these tourneys happen often? Or, do we just happen to catch Deathstalker twice going to one? It's mentioned that every warrior within 200 miles is there. That ends up being about 25 people, apparently. With travel times as they are in the movie, seems like many people must just go around fighting all the time or traveling. In fact, one guy there refers to himself as an athlete and seems to be training for just such a life. As some of the warriors get killed off, maybe it's not hard to see why there's so few left around. Anyway...

An evil sorceress, Kana, is poisoning the warriors with wine so she can turn them to stone, build an army of golems, and essentially eliminate anybody who could challenge her at the same time. It's a brilliant plan. And it would have worked perfectly if she was just a little more careful. She just left the stone person antidote lying around and didn't take into account that one warrior might not be into wine. It spelled her doom. There's certainly no way Deathstalker could have otherwise stopped her.

So it all works out. Deathstalker slow motion dance move sword fights his way through hordes of wimpy soldiers. And he has all the best warriors within 200 miles to help him out, so it's not that tough. His princess pal conveniently used to live in that very castle and can now rule again. So it all works out nicely. Now I wish there were 17 more Deathstalker movies to watch.

Deathstalker III: The Warriors From Hell (1988)

I actually enjoyed this movie quite a bit despite it being mostly a piece of crap. At the start I thought maybe we were getting a scene that would have little to do with the plot, to perhaps set the tone or show how evil the bad guys are, or maybe a glimpse at Deathstalker's skinny lithe sidekick. But no, it's Deathstalker himself. 

The actor playing Deathstalker (John Allen Nelson) in all honesty seems to do his best, he's just too skinny and talkative to be our friendly fantasy neighborhood Deathstalker. He did grow on me, however, and I started to imagine this was a prequel movie, young Deathstalker. Back before the muscles and the magic sword, the real fights and the actually mean powerful bad guys, this was the adventure where Deathstalker cut his teeth. And that mindset made the whole movie feel more right. 

One thing I noticed is that he gets knocked unconscious a lot. It would make sense that he'd switch around his fighting technique and work out more so he could get tougher, and learn to watch his back to avoid this. He had to get more alert if he was to take on tougher foes. 

He also relies on allies a lot more. Deathstalker always has allies, but in this one they save him more than once. As a young guy he had to learn how to save others by hanging with his cool pals. Got it. Nice origin story stuff. 

There's also twin princesses played by Carla Sands (very weird. Look her up). It's another Deathstalker movie with two characters played by the same actress. It doesn't really make any sense or have much of a point, but it's a fun touch. The princess isn't interesting enough to really capture Deathstalker's attention and that's pretty much her character. 

The movie centers around both Deathstalker and an evil guy trying to get these crystals that give power when all together, or treasure, or something. The evil guy, played by Tom Christopher, doesn't seem that bad though. He's mostly a rich ahole that is mean to his girlfriend. He throws parties and has random people over all the time, and has crowds of bumbling soldiers at his disposal. They all live as a happy family in his castle. 

Deathstalker's main love interest is this kinda feral girl that he meets in the woods who's a good archer (played by Claudia Inchaurregui) even though he doesn't even really seduce her. I have to imagine it was the heartbreak of losing her that leads to his free love cold hearted attitude in later years. 

There's also a wizard that supposedly has intel on the crystals but then he doesn't, and he doesn't do much except teleport into the castle in dramatic fashion and then have his life threatened over and over. I'm thinking, teleport out, bud! Go home! But he's Deathstalker's friend so he sticks around. He looks like he's out of an old Kung Fu movie with his big hair and beard, but he's got zero moves. 

Besides Deathstalker, every character's name is impossible to remember in this one. You can look then up but I swear, they still won't ring a bell. It doesn't detract from anything, just something to know. 

The fight scenes are noticeably terrible. I especially like one where Deathstalker and the bad guy are dual wielding, Deathstalker is even holding a candelabra, and they lock up and do this awkward slow spin careful dance move. So weird. Anyway, all the sword play looks like middleschoolers in the backyard, hopping around on a jungle gym with cardboard swords, trying not to hit each other too hard. This is the most boring aspect of the movie. 

Finally, while the cover to this movie has super cool art, it has absolutely nothing to do with the film as far as I can tell. It's like, at this point they're just putting a muscle bound dude with a scantily clad lady on the cover and boom... Deathstalker. Who cares what actually happens in the movie. That's fine. It's silly. It's fun. Watch it if you like this kind of silly stuff. I do. Goodnight. 

Deathstalker 1 & 2; Barbarian Queen; The Warrior and the Sorceress

I'm a big Roger Corman fan, mostly due to seeing Death Race. The doing more with less, in a time of real effects instead of CGI, appeals to me. I also enjoy seeing the young actors that turned into stars and looking up the ones that maybe didn't become big famous Hollywood actors, but took other interesting life paths. So, I ended up stumbling upon this 4 movie collection, containing Deathstalker 1 & 2, Barbarian Queen, and The Warrior and the Sorceress. I should mention, I watched all of these basically back to back, but had trouble getting through the last one, so it's still paused part way through in my DVD player.

Deathstalker I

First, the cover art is fantastic. I think it's Boris, which just brings me back to my middle school days when I had a pack of Boris art cards and was blown away. It's not quite Frazetta, but ok I'll take it.... an apt analogy for this collection.

I read that Corman wanted to capitalize on the success of Schwarzenegger's Conan, so went ahead with Deathstalker. Good enough. The actor isn't quite Schwarzenegger in beefiness, but he's buff and a pretty decent fit for the role. I mean, if I was doing a Conanesk movie and had this guy (Rick Hill), I'd feel really, really good about it. 

The sheer quantity of  scenes with topless women in this movie (and all these movies) would be the elephant in the room if I didn't bring it up. It's kinda funny because if it wasn't for that aspect, the movies would pretty much be fit for 12 year olds to watch. Instead, they're adult movies. It really is to a silly extent that these scenes are in Deathstalker, which is something I'm personally fine with, but definitely worth knowing before sitting down to watch it. 

Much of the movie is a little too not grimy enough, like how'd they manage to not get dirty in this fantasy world dust shanty town? Or, how'd they get dirt everywhere except on their clean shaven faces? Not a big deal, really, but the cheap sets are what make the movie feel low budget and not in the same league as Conan. Yes, in this case I'd say that's somehow more important than the script, acting, and score. Usually I'd argue for script. But I'm convinced that if you made Conan with the Deathstalker script, you'd still have Conan. 

The plot wasn't that memorable for Deathstalker, but maybe that's the point. He's got a sword that makes him invincible when he's holding it so the bad guys are usually afraid of him, get their butts kicked, and try to catch him without the sword or finagle it away from him somehow. The big bad sorcerer (inspirado for the bad guy in Krod Mandoon??) isn't too impressive without his henchmen, but whatever. There are some women Deathstalker must save with his sexual prowess and muscles, and he does so effectively. 

Deathstalker II

Deathstalker is played by a different actor in this one, a guy who's not nearly as muscled or stoic. It's a different kind of movie, much more silly and funny on purpose in a Deathstalker-ey kind of way. Honestly, it feels like a parody of the first movie. 

In this one, Deathstalker cares way less about his sword and it doesn't even seem to be as important towards keeping him alive. Maybe nobody cared. The movie is still fairly entertaining, it just doesn't feel like a sequel to all that is Deathstalker. 

And the twin stuff that happens is super weird. Seems like that was just a way to get Monique Gabrielle a few extra costume changes. 

And some of the sword fights in this one seem a bit better. 

Barbarian Queen

A bunch of good friends get together to go kick some asses. They just happen to be barbarians and they just happen to be sexy ladies. There's some wimpy torture and a few very creepy dudes for them to murder. I mean, is this movie supposed to have more going on than this? 5 stars. 

The Warrior and the Sorceress

Dust, dust, and more dust, and David Carradine never had muscles like he does on the cover of this one. Those are the big takeaways from The Warrior and the Sorceress. A few warriors are on their way to a tournament and become buds, then find out some weak people need their help and that the tournament is run by some evil dude suppressing them. So everybody uses the magic of teamwork and David Carradine gets a big sword, then there's a fight and the movie ends. I mean, it just ends. The movie is very short. So short that it seems too short and maybe they ran out of money or time, or something. But it's good while it lasts. 

Found out I only had about 5 min left when I thought I was only half way through. 🤣

Damnation Alley (1977)

Through my love for the game Gaslands, the book and movie Damnation Alley were both recommended to me via Twitter. Luckily enough, I'd picked up the book at a library book sale and had it sitting on a shelf. I loved reading the Roger Zelazny classic and did so in only a couple days. So I thought, why not check out the movie?

The most frustrating thing about the movie is that it got a lot right, so the potential is evident. Movie adaptations of books are notoriously not as good so I tried to keep expectations low. But with George Peppard (A-Team) and Jan Michael Vincent (Rick & Morty) taking center stage, it was hard for me not to feel giddy. They're pretty good and the rest of the cast is fine, too. Although every time Peppard came on screen, with a funny little mustache, I kept imagining him as his character Hannibal Smith in a disguise. 

For 1977, the effects are good enough, despite being kind of weird... actually just the giant scorpions are overly weird. Whatever, though. I wanted to get into this movie so badly, I even thought that worked okay. Also, the truck is pretty badass, which I was concerned about, and is actually the perfect vehicle for this movie. 

So, the unfortunate part of Damnation Alley is that the script sucks bad, especially if you've read the book. Without the book under my belt, I'd have probably liked this movie better, but instead I just saw what it could have been. If the story followed the book, the scenes that took place while they traversed the US would have not only made more sense, but would have been more interesting. Also, the characters would have had relationships with at least a little depth, and some motivation. And the biker vs vehicle scenes from the book would have been cool to see on camera. The makers of this movie had all the ingredients and budget they needed, they just messed it up anyway. 

The movie is entertaining enough, but scenes come across feeling disconnected, like little short movies that don't make much sense when put all together. And the movie drags in places. All together it's a mediocre affair. Why was a kid added? And the pockets of civilization they encounter don't seem plausible even in the least. It's annoying when you see what this movie could have been. Oh well. Read the book. 

Blue Demon (2004)

Ahhh.... tonight I watched Blue Demon, one of the worst shark movies I've ever seen and let me assure you, I've seen many. And many are very, very bad. 

I was however, still entertained. 

Besides the plot, the other mystery to Blue Demon is how on Earth this movie managed to have some notable actors. It's got a very made- for-TV look and barely manages to feel PG13, which is hard to do with a shark movie when it's assumed action and violence are much of the genre's appeal. There's not much of either one in this movie. Instead there's CGI sharks, CGI water, and even CGI golden gate bridge. The sharks, when they're in real water, appear to be nothing more than floating fins. What saves the movie is the hope that it was a college student's junior year project and the campy feel, and script that actually matches the vibe of the movie. 

Deedee Pfeifer is the real star of the movie and while she's not the draw of her older sister, she's decent in the role of the shark scientist. Although, my only knowledge of her career was that she's posed in Playboy. 

Her ex/husband, also scientist,  is played by Randall Batinkoff who's one of those actors who looks familiar, but you can't place him, because he's had a tiny role in a million things. I can't say much more about him. 

Danny Woodburn plays their grumpy boss. He's funny in the role. Dead Ant is the only movie I know him from and is one I like more than I'd like to admit. But, because of that role, I enjoyed him more than I probably would have otherwise. 

Finally of note, Jeff Fahey plays the terrorist patriot cigar smoking overly dramatic general. This is a goofy role and makes me think he either owed someone a favor or his career had fallen on hard times. I don't know. I hope he didn't give up more than a weekend for his part in the shooting of Blue Demon. If so, I'm not sure it was worth it. 

Blue Demon has the honor of also having the worst car chase scene I've ever seen. Both cars come out completely unscathed, begging the question, who loaned them to make this movie? (Yes, you can borrow my car for the chase scene... it's in the lot... but not a scratch! Ya hear me!) A maroon Saab and a lorry, so the whole chase doesn't look to exceeded 35 mph. It's completely underwhelming. I was amazed how much so, actually. 

What's going on with the plot you may wonder? Mind controlled sharks get loose and kill a couple people but mostly scare people, then one named Red Dog gets ahold of a Russian nuclear bomb and kills one guy. They may be in a fresh water lake? Maybe the ocean? Yes. The plot is bad but actually sort of works for me as far as crappy shark movies go.

It's the terrible CGI and complete lack of action that puts this one on the never-watch-again list. I'm generally turned off by a movie considered violent, but Blue Demon didn't have enough for me. 

This whole movie got me wondering if actors keep DVD or Blue Ray copies of their own works around the house. Because, if so, I'm thinking any who own this one,  most likely never put it on. 

Attrition (2018)

In an alternate universe, in Thailand, Steven Seagal goes by Axe, a doctor who solves the world's problems with simple solutions. He doesn't want money because he has tons. He just wants to heal people. He doesn't want to solve problems with violence because it was long ago that he did stuff like that. But when a village has young girls getting kidnapped, he's ready to help out and go back into the action.

Attrition was written by Steven Seagal and the movie has all the classic Steven Seagal moments one might desire, along with some surprises. And the bad guy is sufficiently brutal. And there's some supernatural stuff going on, which is somewhat rare for a Mr. Seagal movie. This movie delivered on so many fronts, I'm actually amazed.

Cool lines? Check. Break a table? Check. Teach some idiot the error of his ways? Check. Save helpless people? Check. Windmill slap fight? Check. Special forces background? Check. Whispery voice with multiple languages and sometimes bro talk? Check. And there's a whole lot more. 

For the longtime Seagal fan, I'm gonna say, it's actually a must see. And I don't mean you saw Under Siege and Out For Justice back in the day, I mean you've seen a bunch of Seagal movies, truly get what he's made for films over the years. If you're that person, this movie is for you. 

You can also enjoy how Axe is spoken to in Thai but only responds back in English. It's such a weird move and something only Steven Seagal could pull off in a movie. Seagal also bestows a nearly endless barrage of wisdom in such a Seagal kind of way that it's borderline intoxicating. Wisdom despite using words like "bro" and "y'all", so Seagal and so awesome. 

It seems like most Seagal movies in the past couple decades have either been shoot em up military style or martial arts style, this one gives a little of each but definitely more martial arts... my preference. So while I'm suspicious that a stunt double gets significant screen time, the martial arts scenes are at least kinda neat. And a couple parts are downright awesome. At least on par with some Kung Fu Legend Continues action and they get better as the movie progresses.  

Axe gets his old team together. Then we get a glimpse of his pre wizened monk life self and it's reminiscent mostly of Steven Seagal. I keep thinking, Steven thought back on Submerged and wished for something a little cooler. This is way cooler.

By the time the team goes on the rescue mission, there's less than 30 min of movie left. Perfect. Attrition clocks in at a satisfying 85 min. It's good all the way through. The support cast team members are all badasses in their own rights and compliment Axe well. And, the ending delivers. 

Overall, I'd say this is one of Seagal's best in recent years. Axe sums up Attrition when he beats the crap out of a dude and tells the shopkeeper, "I pay for everything. Don't worry brother. "

Mandroid (1993)

I first heard of this movie after looking up the term "mandroid" in google and having it come up. That goes back to the 80s and when I first saw the exceptional film, Eliminators, which continues to be one of my all time favorites (and hence, fostered my affection for Denise Crosby... one of my all time favorite actresses!!) and the only other movie I know of that has a "mandroid" in it. Two very different mandroids, but I like em' both.

So, here we go. This movie, the first in a two movie series, tells the origin story of a couple super hero esk characters and a villain. The whole movie has a made-for-TV superhero vibe, although these are not your typical Marvel style heroes. Instead, they're much closer to regular every day folks. Their powers are not through the roof tough, but they have powers nonetheless.

We meet a couple scientists, Zimmer and Drago. They've worked together for years, but Drago goes evil. Eventually he gets turned into a goblin faced Dr. Doom and becomes as visually terrifying as he is evil. It's such a generic bad guy origin story that I couldn't help but love it. The two of them built mandroid together, a robot body that can be controlled by a VR headset that looks startlingly like those goggles people put their phones into nowadays, for a phone VR experience. This movie came out in '93, so that wasn't really around yet. It's a little funny looking back.

We also have Zimmer's daughter, Zanna, who's kinda tough and kinda just around helping out her father. She's more badass than you think she's gonna be, shooting bad guys when they try to murder her dad. She has other moments as well and while she doesn't get any super powers, I'd still count her as part of the super team.

Dr. Wade, played by Brian Cousins (who could almost go on my looks-like-Christopher-Reeves list), ends up being the person controlling Mandroid for much of the movie and I think that's the main reason he ends up being around. He's also a love interest for Zanna.

Finally, there's Ben Knight. He's the most superheroish of the whole group. In fact, having him around makes it a superhero movie for me. Without him, it might just be a movie about a VR controlled robot. But, no. Knight gets knocked in a freezer and exposed to some strange science, then gets turned invisible. It's a tragic and wonderful opportunity for him. The whole next movie is centered around him.

Okay, there's a struggle over who's going to get Mandroid and that is the central plot. Everybody versus Drago. In the end, there's not a lot of resolution, kind of like a 90s comic book story. The movie is set up for a sequel and it's always fun to see an origin story. It's obviously sort of low budget, but I don't think that detracts from it. It drags in parts, but I keep watching. The acting isn't great, but it's cheesy enough as to be appealing in a certain kind of way. The whole movie feels like a slice out of a much longer timeline. There's other stories to tell here, such as Zimmer and Drago's lives before Mandroid. And, after the sequel, that feeling continues. I do wonder if the creators had plans for a lot more, but maybe lost interest or more likely... these movies didn't generate enough money or viewership. It's still some nice fodder if you're going to run a superhero ttrpg. 

The Amazing Transparent Man (1960)

The beginning is reminiscent of Dark Passage as a prison break is in progress. The movie has some similar enough themes, I wonder if the makers of The Amazing Transparent Man had that one in mind. The actor playing Faust even has a bit of Bogart's demeanor and look. 

Mr Faust is the escapee. Another fellow, The Major, lays down some blackmail words, first threatening Faust's family then threatening to turn him in to the authorities. Despite declaring "a man with a gun doesn't have to bargain", another guy with a bigger gun is all the persuasion Faust needs to join sides with the Major. Faust is in line to get paid if he goes along with some "experiments". 

Peter Ulaf is the scientist to do the experimenting. If this movie was made today, Steve Buscemi would be a nice pick for his role. The scientist uses x-ray alpha, beta, and omega rays for maximum effectiveness. That works for me. 

Wow, the good doctor can turn a guinea pig invisible with his science machine. There's no doubt it'll work perfectly on Faust. And there's no reason to wonder about the door that's off limits. Ahhhhhh,  intrigue!

We find out that Dr Ulaf is also being blackmailed, his daughter has been kidnapped. All of a sudden, Faust seems like the closest thing to a good guy. Supposedly she's being hidden behind the mysterious door. 

Pretty soon it's no surprise, after being turned invisible, Faust figures he has the advantage and asks for more money and makes lots of threats. I'm going to be honest and say, thinking about what it would be like to make a film like The Amazing Transparent Man, I'd be just itching to make this scene. Being able to take advantage of the ridiculous special effects (that can be the magic of film, especially of this type!) would just be too much fun. The only thing that would make it better were if Vincent Price were somehow in the scene. Then, though, the movie would probably be too stinking good for me to even blog about!! Anyway... Faust is going to rob some banks, that's apparent. What else?

TATM is one of those movies where it seems like if the characters could all just sit down and have a chat, maybe try and get along, they could come up with a plan that everyone was satisfied with. That aspect reminds me of Batman Vs. Superman. Then I keep thinking, if Daniel Craig and Colm Meaney's characters from Layer Cake had been able to turn someone invisible, well, it would have been very, very profitable. 

When Faust steals from a vault, I can only imagine the glee that the filmmakers had making the vault door open and cranks turn. It must have been loads of fun.

Soon we learn that the process to turn Faust invisible is actually poisonous and possibly will put him beyond saving. The Major doesn't care if it kills Faust. Faust is a bad dude, but the Major is a worse bad guy. It's interesting to watch a movie from 1960 where there seriously isn't any clear protagonist. 

During the next robbery, in broad daylight, the invisibility wears off mid robbery. When the police find out it's Faust and that he can turn invisible, they're just thinking... well there's certainly no way we can get around that. I'm thinking, do you want to try?? Maybe do a bit of brainstorming? Ask some other police? It's funny that they think there's just no way around it. 

Faust decides to leave town, giving the right share of money to Laura, the getaway driver, as promised. So, maybe Faust isn't such a bad guy after all? Now he's appearing and disappearing. Something is wrong, but Dr. Ulaf won't do anything about it until he and his daughter can be taken somewhere safe. Even when they lock up the Major, it's too bad Julian the shotgun cowboy is in the way. It's a good thing Laura had some dirt on the Major lying to him, or they'd have been screwed. 

Faust doesn't want to help the doctor and his daughter, he only cares about himself! As he declares. He comes across like a regular Han Solo, a bad boy with a conscience to which the world has just delivered a bad hand. Now we find out that Faust is going to die from radiation poisoning, along with Dr. Ulaf. Ulaf says, "there's a man who's unlocked every door except the one to his own soul. Now he has the key." It's a nice bank robber metaphor. 

The Major escapes (since nobody thought to take his gun when locking him up) and Faust goes back to finish him off. They duke it out with fisticuffs. Everything gets blown up when the Major messes with the invisible machine and the nuclear device that was part of it. It's basically a nuclear bomb that goes off. Thankfully the house was out in the middle of nowhere. 

In the end, The Amazing Transparent Man is an enjoyable short odd movie with memorable moments. It could never be called good, but that doesn't matter. It is exactly the kind of movie that I wanted it to be. 

They Saved Hitler's Brain (1968)

Mellow meandering piano music invites the viewer to enjoy mundane conversation between a couple people definitely well practiced in generally figuring stuff out. The woman is named Tony and the dude is Victor. Victor's mustache is a champ. We learn about the presence of fanatic pockets of nazis left over from the war, living in Mandoras. Okay. Then some doctors give a lesson on nerve gas.

Things get serious when there's a mysterious kidnapping and a guy got beat up. 

Tony stumbles upon some gangsters who look suspiciously like the Blues Brothers who've accidentally given prof Coleman an OD. She runs off to tell Victor over a phone call. These gangsters are also apparently nazis. Go figure. 

While searching for Tony, Victor runs into the old man from Punky Brewster, who tries to shoot him but Victor shoots first. Tony comes out of nowhere, she's shot too. How? Who knows. Victor takes off and is chased. Car chase. Victor crashes and dies. WTF.

Where's Hitler's brain??

Cut to a happy couple enjoying life. It's the professor's daughter and son in law. When they go outside, they're surprised by a stranger. They all decide to go for a car ride. The stranger gets shot in the neck in the most unlucky way possible, somehow. They ditch the corpse in a phone booth. 

A short plane ride later, the couple is in Mandoras. In their a hotel room, a guy sneaks in. A short fight later, he seems to be a buddy of the stranger shot in the car. He conveys a nice flashback and tells how Hitler's brain was saved!! 

It isn't too long before they learn of the nazi plot and prof Coleman is there, too, trying to wake up. The young couple is told that nazis are prepared to take over the world with cells they have in lots of countries! How is this orchestrated you wonder?! Hitler's brain!! In a glass case kept alive. Woot! The crazy moment we've been waiting for, only an hour into the movie. 

These nazis... it's like somebody ought to tell them their technology is 25 years old, their uniforms, the whole schtick, all out of date. Anyway, they have a plan to gas a town and kill everybody so they can build a base. Classic. 

Thankfully the Americans have some grenades and when Hitler and his buds try go gas the town, they're ready. They blow up the nazi helicopter and station wagon, effectively melting Hitler's face in the car wreck. Literally. 

Apparently this is enough to topple all nazi plans worldwide. 

Another nazi plot foiled! The End.

Overall They Saved Hitler's Brain is a boring movie with about 10 minutes of worthwhile hilarious footage. 

Collision Course (1989)

On some level it's just nice to know Jay Leno and Pat Morita made a buddy cop movie in the 80s, even though it was possibly the lowest point in the screen careers for either of them.

Leno's character is goofball macho loser loud mouthed ladies man Detroit detective Tony Costas. Morita is bumbling lucky aloof wizened Tokyo detective Fuji Natsuo. I'm gonna be honest though, I was really just excited to see Soon Teck Oh play Natsuo's superior... I only knew his acting as the bad guy general from an old favorite, Steele Justice (I will write about that one on here at some point!). He's just as grumpy and likable as he is in that one.

The music is a hot 80s ST that makes you wanna work out with leg warmers on.

Ernie Hudson plays a supporting role as another cop, named Shortcut. A movie about this character would probably be better than this one.

There's oddly racist and sexist comments throughout the movie. I'm left wondering, is it just a sign of the times and that those comments were more acceptable in 1989? Is it Detroit culture? Or was the movie widely offensive back then? Dang, I wish I had some more context. One thing is for sure, some of the lines simply do not fly today and simply fall flat. When watching movies, it's important to reflect on the times when they were made and it sure can be weird sometimes. For Collision Course it at least bumps the rating up from PG to PG13, in my opinion.

Costas and Natsuo spend just as much time not getting along as they do teaming up. At many points it's more conflict than them trying to track down who's behind a murder and mobsters blackmailing the owner of a Detroit high end car company that stole an experimental Japanese motor.

Chris Sarandon plays a rich bad guy, who's mostly just a turd of a human being and owns a car company. He's not too threatening. If the two police could work together a little earlier, the movie could never have lasted to feature length. Even the gangsters involved don't seem all that competent. Eventually we see the gangsters add central to being antagonists. Although, the car company guy started it all and seems to just get away scot free. 

Tom Noonan's character, Scully, is pretty much the only bad guy that does anything too threatening. But I'm thinking the only reason he can be taken seriously at all is due to his portrayal of Francis Dollarhyde in Manhunter (a pretty darn good movie, if you haven't seen it). But even he can't do much to get at the heros despite having an absolute arsenal at his disposal. 

Sure there's some car chases, a shootout, and Costas even gets shot. The goons are worse shots than storm troopers, though. The climax is an awesome move by Natsuo that I'll look forward to every time I watch this movie. But the setup is pretty contrived, with the lead gangster determined to drive over the 2 cops. I mean, why'd he want to do that? To die with a super sweet kick through his windshield, apparently. 

Everything mostly works out in the end and the movie seems set up for a potential sequel. It's probably a good thing that never came to be. 

The Alien Factor (1978)

The Alien Factor is the kind of movie starring actors, on IMDB, known for their performances in The Alien Factor. Some lackadaisical cowboys are on a mission to hunt down what could only be a wild animal terrorizing youths, but we know it was The Alien Factor.

It's a great Alien Factor indeed. It could be a zombie insect humanoid, but more likely just a guy covered with black duct tape and raisins. Guns don't hurt it so it seems likely everyone in the little mountain town is screwed. With cinemagic in full effect, it's like the monster's magic powers elicit memories of Bed Nobs and Broom Sticks. There's lots of colored misty stuff and things, all somewhat psychedelic. The theremin heavy music adds to the effect.

Another of the aliens, a static robot? And one has claws? It's honestly hard to tell if it's multiple aliens or just such crap lighting and all the same one. I dunno.

Thankfully a meteor specialist slash crackpot UFO nerd shows up. He's just the untrained kind of person to run around in the woods and not help out with a wild goose chase.

The spaceship they find in the snow is pretty cool, actually its one helluva sight.

Then loser mayor and UFO specialist find tracksuit alien who only speaks through psychic purple glitter energy. It's near dead, but thankfully they talk to it in time to learn that the crashed spaceship is actually a bomb about to explode.

Okay, confirmed... the tracksuit alien was transporting zoo specimens. There's at least 3 different ones. At least one is a crafty energy being. And they're murderous.

Thankfully the UFO guy figured out that using a high frequency "sound field" via an old PA speaker was all that was needed to kill bug alien. That was fortuitous.

How did the bad aliens get defeated? Big reveal time. Thankfully the UFO nerd was a good person alien in disguise, there to save the human race. Too bad it was the only alien in the movie susceptible to bullets. The trigger happy country boys finally get their day. Dead good guy alien. Sad ending. Boooo. The humans still couldn't get past the idea that just because an alien looks like an ewok on meth, it isn't such a bad dude. The end.