The Warlord: Battle for the Galaxy (aka The Osiris Chronicles) (1998)

Have you ever wondered what a sci fi movie would be like if you filmed it in your living room and backyard? Using nothing but a green screen and a Pentium for special effects? Now you can know. Just watch Warlord Battle for the Galaxy.

It has a real solid made for TV vibe with parts that will remind you of STNG, Babylon 5, Star Wars, and everything cheesy that went into sci fi space shows of the 90s. And I can't really complain. It's plenty entertaining. 

The main character, played by John Corbett, is initially too whiny but he grows on you. It helps that Corbett has one of the best voices for narration. (Remember Northern Exposure?) You get some of that here. I could seriously listen to the guy talk all day. 

Some cool aliens show up and there's a fight involving a flaming flail thing. There's also some almost tasty spaceship chase scenes. All acceptable. 

The plot involves rescues and starting revolutions, and some minor generic sci fi government BS. It's all so we can meet the new crew for the spaceship that was definitely designed to take center stage for a show that never happened. I can imagine, while the movie reminds the viewer of so many beloved storylines, it's not better than any of them and doesn't bring anything new to the table. Oh well. It's available to watch on YouTube so ease of access can give watching it a boost in probability. 

Go check it out. Fun stuff. 

Deathstalker 4: Match of Titans (1991)

Rich Hill is back and I can only imagine the relief long time Deathstalker fans must have felt to see that, in 1991 when this film was released. I gotta say, this one truly captured the vibe of the first Deathstalker movie and that alone makes it watchable.

Right off the bat the movie addresses how Deathstalker doesn't have his magic sword and what happened to it. I felt like this was a nod to number 2 and 3 in the series, where the magic sword isn't ever mentioned. Like, here ya go... here's why we never said anything about the sword. Then when Deathstalker finally does get his sword back, near the end, it does a bunch of stuff that it never could do before. This ends up being pretty hilarious and somehow is totally fine. It's probably good he didn't get it back earlier, he'd have been near unstoppable.

Also interesting, the movie had much the same plot as Deathstalker 2, at least as far as centering around a tournament that a bunch of warriors have to fight in, and Deathstalker meets a few on his journey there. It makes one wonder, do these tourneys happen often? Or, do we just happen to catch Deathstalker twice going to one? It's mentioned that every warrior within 200 miles is there. That ends up being about 25 people, apparently. With travel times as they are in the movie, seems like many people must just go around fighting all the time or traveling. In fact, one guy there refers to himself as an athlete and seems to be training for just such a life. As some of the warriors get killed off, maybe it's not hard to see why there's so few left around. Anyway...

An evil sorceress, Kana, is poisoning the warriors with wine so she can turn them to stone, build an army of golems, and essentially eliminate anybody who could challenge her at the same time. It's a brilliant plan. And it would have worked perfectly if she was just a little more careful. She just left the stone person antidote lying around and didn't take into account that one warrior might not be into wine. It spelled her doom. There's certainly no way Deathstalker could have otherwise stopped her.

So it all works out. Deathstalker slow motion dance move sword fights his way through hordes of wimpy soldiers. And he has all the best warriors within 200 miles to help him out, so it's not that tough. His princess pal conveniently used to live in that very castle and can now rule again. So it all works out nicely. Now I wish there were 17 more Deathstalker movies to watch.

Deathstalker III: The Warriors From Hell (1988)

I actually enjoyed this movie quite a bit despite it being mostly a piece of crap. At the start I thought maybe we were getting a scene that would have little to do with the plot, to perhaps set the tone or show how evil the bad guys are, or maybe a glimpse at Deathstalker's skinny lithe sidekick. But no, it's Deathstalker himself. 

The actor playing Deathstalker (John Allen Nelson) in all honesty seems to do his best, he's just too skinny and talkative to be our friendly fantasy neighborhood Deathstalker. He did grow on me, however, and I started to imagine this was a prequel movie, young Deathstalker. Back before the muscles and the magic sword, the real fights and the actually mean powerful bad guys, this was the adventure where Deathstalker cut his teeth. And that mindset made the whole movie feel more right. 

One thing I noticed is that he gets knocked unconscious a lot. It would make sense that he'd switch around his fighting technique and work out more so he could get tougher, and learn to watch his back to avoid this. He had to get more alert if he was to take on tougher foes. 

He also relies on allies a lot more. Deathstalker always has allies, but in this one they save him more than once. As a young guy he had to learn how to save others by hanging with his cool pals. Got it. Nice origin story stuff. 

There's also twin princesses played by Carla Sands (very weird. Look her up). It's another Deathstalker movie with two characters played by the same actress. It doesn't really make any sense or have much of a point, but it's a fun touch. The princess isn't interesting enough to really capture Deathstalker's attention and that's pretty much her character. 

The movie centers around both Deathstalker and an evil guy trying to get these crystals that give power when all together, or treasure, or something. The evil guy, played by Tom Christopher, doesn't seem that bad though. He's mostly a rich ahole that is mean to his girlfriend. He throws parties and has random people over all the time, and has crowds of bumbling soldiers at his disposal. They all live as a happy family in his castle. 

Deathstalker's main love interest is this kinda feral girl that he meets in the woods who's a good archer (played by Claudia Inchaurregui) even though he doesn't even really seduce her. I have to imagine it was the heartbreak of losing her that leads to his free love cold hearted attitude in later years. 

There's also a wizard that supposedly has intel on the crystals but then he doesn't, and he doesn't do much except teleport into the castle in dramatic fashion and then have his life threatened over and over. I'm thinking, teleport out, bud! Go home! But he's Deathstalker's friend so he sticks around. He looks like he's out of an old Kung Fu movie with his big hair and beard, but he's got zero moves. 

Besides Deathstalker, every character's name is impossible to remember in this one. You can look then up but I swear, they still won't ring a bell. It doesn't detract from anything, just something to know. 

The fight scenes are noticeably terrible. I especially like one where Deathstalker and the bad guy are dual wielding, Deathstalker is even holding a candelabra, and they lock up and do this awkward slow spin careful dance move. So weird. Anyway, all the sword play looks like middleschoolers in the backyard, hopping around on a jungle gym with cardboard swords, trying not to hit each other too hard. This is the most boring aspect of the movie. 

Finally, while the cover to this movie has super cool art, it has absolutely nothing to do with the film as far as I can tell. It's like, at this point they're just putting a muscle bound dude with a scantily clad lady on the cover and boom... Deathstalker. Who cares what actually happens in the movie. That's fine. It's silly. It's fun. Watch it if you like this kind of silly stuff. I do. Goodnight. 

Deathstalker 1 & 2; Barbarian Queen; The Warrior and the Sorceress

I'm a big Roger Corman fan, mostly due to seeing Death Race. The doing more with less, in a time of real effects instead of CGI, appeals to me. I also enjoy seeing the young actors that turned into stars and looking up the ones that maybe didn't become big famous Hollywood actors, but took other interesting life paths. So, I ended up stumbling upon this 4 movie collection, containing Deathstalker 1 & 2, Barbarian Queen, and The Warrior and the Sorceress. I should mention, I watched all of these basically back to back, but had trouble getting through the last one, so it's still paused part way through in my DVD player.

Deathstalker I

First, the cover art is fantastic. I think it's Boris, which just brings me back to my middle school days when I had a pack of Boris art cards and was blown away. It's not quite Frazetta, but ok I'll take it.... an apt analogy for this collection.

I read that Corman wanted to capitalize on the success of Schwarzenegger's Conan, so went ahead with Deathstalker. Good enough. The actor isn't quite Schwarzenegger in beefiness, but he's buff and a pretty decent fit for the role. I mean, if I was doing a Conanesk movie and had this guy (Rick Hill), I'd feel really, really good about it. 

The sheer quantity of  scenes with topless women in this movie (and all these movies) would be the elephant in the room if I didn't bring it up. It's kinda funny because if it wasn't for that aspect, the movies would pretty much be fit for 12 year olds to watch. Instead, they're adult movies. It really is to a silly extent that these scenes are in Deathstalker, which is something I'm personally fine with, but definitely worth knowing before sitting down to watch it. 

Much of the movie is a little too not grimy enough, like how'd they manage to not get dirty in this fantasy world dust shanty town? Or, how'd they get dirt everywhere except on their clean shaven faces? Not a big deal, really, but the cheap sets are what make the movie feel low budget and not in the same league as Conan. Yes, in this case I'd say that's somehow more important than the script, acting, and score. Usually I'd argue for script. But I'm convinced that if you made Conan with the Deathstalker script, you'd still have Conan. 

The plot wasn't that memorable for Deathstalker, but maybe that's the point. He's got a sword that makes him invincible when he's holding it so the bad guys are usually afraid of him, get their butts kicked, and try to catch him without the sword or finagle it away from him somehow. The big bad sorcerer (inspirado for the bad guy in Krod Mandoon??) isn't too impressive without his henchmen, but whatever. There are some women Deathstalker must save with his sexual prowess and muscles, and he does so effectively. 

Deathstalker II

Deathstalker is played by a different actor in this one, a guy who's not nearly as muscled or stoic. It's a different kind of movie, much more silly and funny on purpose in a Deathstalker-ey kind of way. Honestly, it feels like a parody of the first movie. 

In this one, Deathstalker cares way less about his sword and it doesn't even seem to be as important towards keeping him alive. Maybe nobody cared. The movie is still fairly entertaining, it just doesn't feel like a sequel to all that is Deathstalker. 

And the twin stuff that happens is super weird. Seems like that was just a way to get Monique Gabrielle a few extra costume changes. 

And some of the sword fights in this one seem a bit better. 

Barbarian Queen

A bunch of good friends get together to go kick some asses. They just happen to be barbarians and they just happen to be sexy ladies. There's some wimpy torture and a few very creepy dudes for them to murder. I mean, is this movie supposed to have more going on than this? 5 stars. 

The Warrior and the Sorceress

Dust, dust, and more dust, and David Carradine never had muscles like he does on the cover of this one. Those are the big takeaways from The Warrior and the Sorceress. A few warriors are on their way to a tournament and become buds, then find out some weak people need their help and that the tournament is run by some evil dude suppressing them. So everybody uses the magic of teamwork and David Carradine gets a big sword, then there's a fight and the movie ends. I mean, it just ends. The movie is very short. So short that it seems too short and maybe they ran out of money or time, or something. But it's good while it lasts. 

Found out I only had about 5 min left when I thought I was only half way through. 🤣

Damnation Alley (1977)

Through my love for the game Gaslands, the book and movie Damnation Alley were both recommended to me via Twitter. Luckily enough, I'd picked up the book at a library book sale and had it sitting on a shelf. I loved reading the Roger Zelazny classic and did so in only a couple days. So I thought, why not check out the movie?

The most frustrating thing about the movie is that it got a lot right, so the potential is evident. Movie adaptations of books are notoriously not as good so I tried to keep expectations low. But with George Peppard (A-Team) and Jan Michael Vincent (Rick & Morty) taking center stage, it was hard for me not to feel giddy. They're pretty good and the rest of the cast is fine, too. Although every time Peppard came on screen, with a funny little mustache, I kept imagining him as his character Hannibal Smith in a disguise. 

For 1977, the effects are good enough, despite being kind of weird... actually just the giant scorpions are overly weird. Whatever, though. I wanted to get into this movie so badly, I even thought that worked okay. Also, the truck is pretty badass, which I was concerned about, and is actually the perfect vehicle for this movie. 

So, the unfortunate part of Damnation Alley is that the script sucks bad, especially if you've read the book. Without the book under my belt, I'd have probably liked this movie better, but instead I just saw what it could have been. If the story followed the book, the scenes that took place while they traversed the US would have not only made more sense, but would have been more interesting. Also, the characters would have had relationships with at least a little depth, and some motivation. And the biker vs vehicle scenes from the book would have been cool to see on camera. The makers of this movie had all the ingredients and budget they needed, they just messed it up anyway. 

The movie is entertaining enough, but scenes come across feeling disconnected, like little short movies that don't make much sense when put all together. And the movie drags in places. All together it's a mediocre affair. Why was a kid added? And the pockets of civilization they encounter don't seem plausible even in the least. It's annoying when you see what this movie could have been. Oh well. Read the book. 

Blue Demon (2004)

Ahhh.... tonight I watched Blue Demon, one of the worst shark movies I've ever seen and let me assure you, I've seen many. And many are very, very bad. 

I was however, still entertained. 

Besides the plot, the other mystery to Blue Demon is how on Earth this movie managed to have some notable actors. It's got a very made- for-TV look and barely manages to feel PG13, which is hard to do with a shark movie when it's assumed action and violence are much of the genre's appeal. There's not much of either one in this movie. Instead there's CGI sharks, CGI water, and even CGI golden gate bridge. The sharks, when they're in real water, appear to be nothing more than floating fins. What saves the movie is the hope that it was a college student's junior year project and the campy feel, and script that actually matches the vibe of the movie. 

Deedee Pfeifer is the real star of the movie and while she's not the draw of her older sister, she's decent in the role of the shark scientist. Although, my only knowledge of her career was that she's posed in Playboy. 

Her ex/husband, also scientist,  is played by Randall Batinkoff who's one of those actors who looks familiar, but you can't place him, because he's had a tiny role in a million things. I can't say much more about him. 

Danny Woodburn plays their grumpy boss. He's funny in the role. Dead Ant is the only movie I know him from and is one I like more than I'd like to admit. But, because of that role, I enjoyed him more than I probably would have otherwise. 

Finally of note, Jeff Fahey plays the terrorist patriot cigar smoking overly dramatic general. This is a goofy role and makes me think he either owed someone a favor or his career had fallen on hard times. I don't know. I hope he didn't give up more than a weekend for his part in the shooting of Blue Demon. If so, I'm not sure it was worth it. 

Blue Demon has the honor of also having the worst car chase scene I've ever seen. Both cars come out completely unscathed, begging the question, who loaned them to make this movie? (Yes, you can borrow my car for the chase scene... it's in the lot... but not a scratch! Ya hear me!) A maroon Saab and a lorry, so the whole chase doesn't look to exceeded 35 mph. It's completely underwhelming. I was amazed how much so, actually. 

What's going on with the plot you may wonder? Mind controlled sharks get loose and kill a couple people but mostly scare people, then one named Red Dog gets ahold of a Russian nuclear bomb and kills one guy. They may be in a fresh water lake? Maybe the ocean? Yes. The plot is bad but actually sort of works for me as far as crappy shark movies go.

It's the terrible CGI and complete lack of action that puts this one on the never-watch-again list. I'm generally turned off by a movie considered violent, but Blue Demon didn't have enough for me. 

This whole movie got me wondering if actors keep DVD or Blue Ray copies of their own works around the house. Because, if so, I'm thinking any who own this one,  most likely never put it on. 

Attrition (2018)

In an alternate universe, in Thailand, Steven Seagal goes by Axe, a doctor who solves the world's problems with simple solutions. He doesn't want money because he has tons. He just wants to heal people. He doesn't want to solve problems with violence because it was long ago that he did stuff like that. But when a village has young girls getting kidnapped, he's ready to help out and go back into the action.

Attrition was written by Steven Seagal and the movie has all the classic Steven Seagal moments one might desire, along with some surprises. And the bad guy is sufficiently brutal. And there's some supernatural stuff going on, which is somewhat rare for a Mr. Seagal movie. This movie delivered on so many fronts, I'm actually amazed.

Cool lines? Check. Break a table? Check. Teach some idiot the error of his ways? Check. Save helpless people? Check. Windmill slap fight? Check. Special forces background? Check. Whispery voice with multiple languages and sometimes bro talk? Check. And there's a whole lot more. 

For the longtime Seagal fan, I'm gonna say, it's actually a must see. And I don't mean you saw Under Siege and Out For Justice back in the day, I mean you've seen a bunch of Seagal movies, truly get what he's made for films over the years. If you're that person, this movie is for you. 

You can also enjoy how Axe is spoken to in Thai but only responds back in English. It's such a weird move and something only Steven Seagal could pull off in a movie. Seagal also bestows a nearly endless barrage of wisdom in such a Seagal kind of way that it's borderline intoxicating. Wisdom despite using words like "bro" and "y'all", so Seagal and so awesome. 

It seems like most Seagal movies in the past couple decades have either been shoot em up military style or martial arts style, this one gives a little of each but definitely more martial arts... my preference. So while I'm suspicious that a stunt double gets significant screen time, the martial arts scenes are at least kinda neat. And a couple parts are downright awesome. At least on par with some Kung Fu Legend Continues action and they get better as the movie progresses.  

Axe gets his old team together. Then we get a glimpse of his pre wizened monk life self and it's reminiscent mostly of Steven Seagal. I keep thinking, Steven thought back on Submerged and wished for something a little cooler. This is way cooler.

By the time the team goes on the rescue mission, there's less than 30 min of movie left. Perfect. Attrition clocks in at a satisfying 85 min. It's good all the way through. The support cast team members are all badasses in their own rights and compliment Axe well. And, the ending delivers. 

Overall, I'd say this is one of Seagal's best in recent years. Axe sums up Attrition when he beats the crap out of a dude and tells the shopkeeper, "I pay for everything. Don't worry brother. "

Mandroid (1993)

I first heard of this movie after looking up the term "mandroid" in google and having it come up. That goes back to the 80s and when I first saw the exceptional film, Eliminators, which continues to be one of my all time favorites (and hence, fostered my affection for Denise Crosby... one of my all time favorite actresses!!) and the only other movie I know of that has a "mandroid" in it. Two very different mandroids, but I like em' both.

So, here we go. This movie, the first in a two movie series, tells the origin story of a couple super hero esk characters and a villain. The whole movie has a made-for-TV superhero vibe, although these are not your typical Marvel style heroes. Instead, they're much closer to regular every day folks. Their powers are not through the roof tough, but they have powers nonetheless.

We meet a couple scientists, Zimmer and Drago. They've worked together for years, but Drago goes evil. Eventually he gets turned into a goblin faced Dr. Doom and becomes as visually terrifying as he is evil. It's such a generic bad guy origin story that I couldn't help but love it. The two of them built mandroid together, a robot body that can be controlled by a VR headset that looks startlingly like those goggles people put their phones into nowadays, for a phone VR experience. This movie came out in '93, so that wasn't really around yet. It's a little funny looking back.

We also have Zimmer's daughter, Zanna, who's kinda tough and kinda just around helping out her father. She's more badass than you think she's gonna be, shooting bad guys when they try to murder her dad. She has other moments as well and while she doesn't get any super powers, I'd still count her as part of the super team.

Dr. Wade, played by Brian Cousins (who could almost go on my looks-like-Christopher-Reeves list), ends up being the person controlling Mandroid for much of the movie and I think that's the main reason he ends up being around. He's also a love interest for Zanna.

Finally, there's Ben Knight. He's the most superheroish of the whole group. In fact, having him around makes it a superhero movie for me. Without him, it might just be a movie about a VR controlled robot. But, no. Knight gets knocked in a freezer and exposed to some strange science, then gets turned invisible. It's a tragic and wonderful opportunity for him. The whole next movie is centered around him.

Okay, there's a struggle over who's going to get Mandroid and that is the central plot. Everybody versus Drago. In the end, there's not a lot of resolution, kind of like a 90s comic book story. The movie is set up for a sequel and it's always fun to see an origin story. It's obviously sort of low budget, but I don't think that detracts from it. It drags in parts, but I keep watching. The acting isn't great, but it's cheesy enough as to be appealing in a certain kind of way. The whole movie feels like a slice out of a much longer timeline. There's other stories to tell here, such as Zimmer and Drago's lives before Mandroid. And, after the sequel, that feeling continues. I do wonder if the creators had plans for a lot more, but maybe lost interest or more likely... these movies didn't generate enough money or viewership. It's still some nice fodder if you're going to run a superhero ttrpg. 

The Amazing Transparent Man (1960)

The beginning is reminiscent of Dark Passage as a prison break is in progress. The movie has some similar enough themes, I wonder if the makers of The Amazing Transparent Man had that one in mind. The actor playing Faust even has a bit of Bogart's demeanor and look. 

Mr Faust is the escapee. Another fellow, The Major, lays down some blackmail words, first threatening Faust's family then threatening to turn him in to the authorities. Despite declaring "a man with a gun doesn't have to bargain", another guy with a bigger gun is all the persuasion Faust needs to join sides with the Major. Faust is in line to get paid if he goes along with some "experiments". 

Peter Ulaf is the scientist to do the experimenting. If this movie was made today, Steve Buscemi would be a nice pick for his role. The scientist uses x-ray alpha, beta, and omega rays for maximum effectiveness. That works for me. 

Wow, the good doctor can turn a guinea pig invisible with his science machine. There's no doubt it'll work perfectly on Faust. And there's no reason to wonder about the door that's off limits. Ahhhhhh,  intrigue!

We find out that Dr Ulaf is also being blackmailed, his daughter has been kidnapped. All of a sudden, Faust seems like the closest thing to a good guy. Supposedly she's being hidden behind the mysterious door. 

Pretty soon it's no surprise, after being turned invisible, Faust figures he has the advantage and asks for more money and makes lots of threats. I'm going to be honest and say, thinking about what it would be like to make a film like The Amazing Transparent Man, I'd be just itching to make this scene. Being able to take advantage of the ridiculous special effects (that can be the magic of film, especially of this type!) would just be too much fun. The only thing that would make it better were if Vincent Price were somehow in the scene. Then, though, the movie would probably be too stinking good for me to even blog about!! Anyway... Faust is going to rob some banks, that's apparent. What else?

TATM is one of those movies where it seems like if the characters could all just sit down and have a chat, maybe try and get along, they could come up with a plan that everyone was satisfied with. That aspect reminds me of Batman Vs. Superman. Then I keep thinking, if Daniel Craig and Colm Meaney's characters from Layer Cake had been able to turn someone invisible, well, it would have been very, very profitable. 

When Faust steals from a vault, I can only imagine the glee that the filmmakers had making the vault door open and cranks turn. It must have been loads of fun.

Soon we learn that the process to turn Faust invisible is actually poisonous and possibly will put him beyond saving. The Major doesn't care if it kills Faust. Faust is a bad dude, but the Major is a worse bad guy. It's interesting to watch a movie from 1960 where there seriously isn't any clear protagonist. 

During the next robbery, in broad daylight, the invisibility wears off mid robbery. When the police find out it's Faust and that he can turn invisible, they're just thinking... well there's certainly no way we can get around that. I'm thinking, do you want to try?? Maybe do a bit of brainstorming? Ask some other police? It's funny that they think there's just no way around it. 

Faust decides to leave town, giving the right share of money to Laura, the getaway driver, as promised. So, maybe Faust isn't such a bad guy after all? Now he's appearing and disappearing. Something is wrong, but Dr. Ulaf won't do anything about it until he and his daughter can be taken somewhere safe. Even when they lock up the Major, it's too bad Julian the shotgun cowboy is in the way. It's a good thing Laura had some dirt on the Major lying to him, or they'd have been screwed. 

Faust doesn't want to help the doctor and his daughter, he only cares about himself! As he declares. He comes across like a regular Han Solo, a bad boy with a conscience to which the world has just delivered a bad hand. Now we find out that Faust is going to die from radiation poisoning, along with Dr. Ulaf. Ulaf says, "there's a man who's unlocked every door except the one to his own soul. Now he has the key." It's a nice bank robber metaphor. 

The Major escapes (since nobody thought to take his gun when locking him up) and Faust goes back to finish him off. They duke it out with fisticuffs. Everything gets blown up when the Major messes with the invisible machine and the nuclear device that was part of it. It's basically a nuclear bomb that goes off. Thankfully the house was out in the middle of nowhere. 

In the end, The Amazing Transparent Man is an enjoyable short odd movie with memorable moments. It could never be called good, but that doesn't matter. It is exactly the kind of movie that I wanted it to be. 

They Saved Hitler's Brain (1968)

Mellow meandering piano music invites the viewer to enjoy mundane conversation between a couple people definitely well practiced in generally figuring stuff out. The woman is named Tony and the dude is Victor. Victor's mustache is a champ. We learn about the presence of fanatic pockets of nazis left over from the war, living in Mandoras. Okay. Then some doctors give a lesson on nerve gas.

Things get serious when there's a mysterious kidnapping and a guy got beat up. 

Tony stumbles upon some gangsters who look suspiciously like the Blues Brothers who've accidentally given prof Coleman an OD. She runs off to tell Victor over a phone call. These gangsters are also apparently nazis. Go figure. 

While searching for Tony, Victor runs into the old man from Punky Brewster, who tries to shoot him but Victor shoots first. Tony comes out of nowhere, she's shot too. How? Who knows. Victor takes off and is chased. Car chase. Victor crashes and dies. WTF.

Where's Hitler's brain??

Cut to a happy couple enjoying life. It's the professor's daughter and son in law. When they go outside, they're surprised by a stranger. They all decide to go for a car ride. The stranger gets shot in the neck in the most unlucky way possible, somehow. They ditch the corpse in a phone booth. 

A short plane ride later, the couple is in Mandoras. In their a hotel room, a guy sneaks in. A short fight later, he seems to be a buddy of the stranger shot in the car. He conveys a nice flashback and tells how Hitler's brain was saved!! 

It isn't too long before they learn of the nazi plot and prof Coleman is there, too, trying to wake up. The young couple is told that nazis are prepared to take over the world with cells they have in lots of countries! How is this orchestrated you wonder?! Hitler's brain!! In a glass case kept alive. Woot! The crazy moment we've been waiting for, only an hour into the movie. 

These nazis... it's like somebody ought to tell them their technology is 25 years old, their uniforms, the whole schtick, all out of date. Anyway, they have a plan to gas a town and kill everybody so they can build a base. Classic. 

Thankfully the Americans have some grenades and when Hitler and his buds try go gas the town, they're ready. They blow up the nazi helicopter and station wagon, effectively melting Hitler's face in the car wreck. Literally. 

Apparently this is enough to topple all nazi plans worldwide. 

Another nazi plot foiled! The End.

Overall They Saved Hitler's Brain is a boring movie with about 10 minutes of worthwhile hilarious footage. 

Collision Course (1989)

On some level it's just nice to know Jay Leno and Pat Morita made a buddy cop movie in the 80s, even though it was possibly the lowest point in the screen careers for either of them.

Leno's character is goofball macho loser loud mouthed ladies man Detroit detective Tony Costas. Morita is bumbling lucky aloof wizened Tokyo detective Fuji Natsuo. I'm gonna be honest though, I was really just excited to see Soon Teck Oh play Natsuo's superior... I only knew his acting as the bad guy general from an old favorite, Steele Justice (I will write about that one on here at some point!). He's just as grumpy and likable as he is in that one.

The music is a hot 80s ST that makes you wanna work out with leg warmers on.

Ernie Hudson plays a supporting role as another cop, named Shortcut. A movie about this character would probably be better than this one.

There's oddly racist and sexist comments throughout the movie. I'm left wondering, is it just a sign of the times and that those comments were more acceptable in 1989? Is it Detroit culture? Or was the movie widely offensive back then? Dang, I wish I had some more context. One thing is for sure, some of the lines simply do not fly today and simply fall flat. When watching movies, it's important to reflect on the times when they were made and it sure can be weird sometimes. For Collision Course it at least bumps the rating up from PG to PG13, in my opinion.

Costas and Natsuo spend just as much time not getting along as they do teaming up. At many points it's more conflict than them trying to track down who's behind a murder and mobsters blackmailing the owner of a Detroit high end car company that stole an experimental Japanese motor.

Chris Sarandon plays a rich bad guy, who's mostly just a turd of a human being and owns a car company. He's not too threatening. If the two police could work together a little earlier, the movie could never have lasted to feature length. Even the gangsters involved don't seem all that competent. Eventually we see the gangsters add central to being antagonists. Although, the car company guy started it all and seems to just get away scot free. 

Tom Noonan's character, Scully, is pretty much the only bad guy that does anything too threatening. But I'm thinking the only reason he can be taken seriously at all is due to his portrayal of Francis Dollarhyde in Manhunter (a pretty darn good movie, if you haven't seen it). But even he can't do much to get at the heros despite having an absolute arsenal at his disposal. 

Sure there's some car chases, a shootout, and Costas even gets shot. The goons are worse shots than storm troopers, though. The climax is an awesome move by Natsuo that I'll look forward to every time I watch this movie. But the setup is pretty contrived, with the lead gangster determined to drive over the 2 cops. I mean, why'd he want to do that? To die with a super sweet kick through his windshield, apparently. 

Everything mostly works out in the end and the movie seems set up for a potential sequel. It's probably a good thing that never came to be. 

The Alien Factor (1978)

The Alien Factor is the kind of movie starring actors, on IMDB, known for their performances in The Alien Factor. Some lackadaisical cowboys are on a mission to hunt down what could only be a wild animal terrorizing youths, but we know it was The Alien Factor.

It's a great Alien Factor indeed. It could be a zombie insect humanoid, but more likely just a guy covered with black duct tape and raisins. Guns don't hurt it so it seems likely everyone in the little mountain town is screwed. With cinemagic in full effect, it's like the monster's magic powers elicit memories of Bed Nobs and Broom Sticks. There's lots of colored misty stuff and things, all somewhat psychedelic. The theremin heavy music adds to the effect.

Another of the aliens, a static robot? And one has claws? It's honestly hard to tell if it's multiple aliens or just such crap lighting and all the same one. I dunno.

Thankfully a meteor specialist slash crackpot UFO nerd shows up. He's just the untrained kind of person to run around in the woods and not help out with a wild goose chase.

The spaceship they find in the snow is pretty cool, actually its one helluva sight.

Then loser mayor and UFO specialist find tracksuit alien who only speaks through psychic purple glitter energy. It's near dead, but thankfully they talk to it in time to learn that the crashed spaceship is actually a bomb about to explode.

Okay, confirmed... the tracksuit alien was transporting zoo specimens. There's at least 3 different ones. At least one is a crafty energy being. And they're murderous.

Thankfully the UFO guy figured out that using a high frequency "sound field" via an old PA speaker was all that was needed to kill bug alien. That was fortuitous.

How did the bad aliens get defeated? Big reveal time. Thankfully the UFO nerd was a good person alien in disguise, there to save the human race. Too bad it was the only alien in the movie susceptible to bullets. The trigger happy country boys finally get their day. Dead good guy alien. Sad ending. Boooo. The humans still couldn't get past the idea that just because an alien looks like an ewok on meth, it isn't such a bad dude. The end.

Night of the Blood Beast (1958)

1958. A good year for 60 minute movies. I get so much joy watching this kind of thing. And look how cool the movie poster is!

Everybody seems so serious and like they know exactly what is going on. The doctor mumbo jumbo of internal rupture and hyper metabolism, dying brain, and everything else makes me wish I was taking better notes for my next sci fi book. And nothing looks tougher than a guy on a radio trying to get a message out, while having a smoke (ala Sterling Hayden in Zero Hour.... fantastic movie!!). Now to showcase a movie with only 6 actors and 2 sets for filming.

Okay, what's going on... a guy goes into space then crashes on the way back to Earth. He's dead in the crash, but is he? Medical people and a radio guy work together to put the pieces together, and can't get any help. They're very thorough people though, checking and rechecking and smoking cigarettes. They're all wicked smart and use big words, like incommunicado. And there's a monster loose.

I can't remember any names of these characters.

Static electricity net force fields kill power. Serious stuff. It's happened before. So dang serious. Well, these are the kinds of issues faced in Night of the Blood Beast.

Here you go, lines like this: "He alone stood on the threshold of our future. What happened to him today, we may learn more than we've ever known. Maybe I should just listen." I wish I could come up with stuff like this! It's pure inspiration. And the scientist who says it, does so while giving a back rub. Film gold.

So 30 min in, the science talk is mostly done and a doctor gets murdered. And the astronaut is awake, but he's all messed up and confused. Oh my goodness, everybody starts realizing stuff and it's serious! And intense! And nobody understands! This can't happen, but it has happened! Something... something.... probably an alien? Oh no. The astronaut was impregnated with baby alien sea horses.

The creature shows up looking like a pile of moss melded with the abominable snow man and a bird goblin thing. And it's there to nourish the baby aliens inside the astronaut. We need more science talk to come up with ideas. Kill the alien? Save it? What is up with astronaut?

It's all about the unknown now. Unknown if the creature is good or bad. Unknown if the astronaut and scientist can still get married since astronaut might be a zombie and scientist might kinda like one of the soldier guys. Unknown why the monster may or may not have killed the scientist guy earlier but not the lady hostage it captured. Unknown where the magnetic disturbance comes from. Unknown if the creature and astronaut are linked up. Unknown what will happen out there. Unknown how to communicate with the creature. Just lots and lots of unknowns.

In the end, only violence can solve problems. I give credit to the astronaut for trying other methods, like communicado, before killing himself to kill all the alien babies. Had to be done. Once that's over with, the soldier guys are free to molotov cocktail the big bad monster. The end. 

I still don't know why the monster killed the older scientist, but I did fall asleep for a few minutes. Oh well. Good movie but glad it was only an hour. 

The Dungeonmaster (aka Rage War) (1985)

The dreamscape opening dialogueless sexy scene to start this movie immediately elicits a what- the-heck-is-going-on feeling. The next thought, as soon as opening credits are done, the Christopher Reeves look must have been so super duper cool in 1984. I feel like I want a whole list of Reeves look lookalikes. I watched Arena with Paul Satterfield not that long ago (speaking of movies I should write about on here!) and had a similar thought. Then there's the fact that Jeffrey Byron's character is named Paul.... (was the writer a Satterfield fan??) odd connection? Just weird? Anyway...

I've heard that in the 80s the lines of separation between fantasy and sci fi were much more blurred. The Dungeonmaster definitely showcases that and I like that aspect of the film. The cheesy special effects are perfect for the movie. Yes, give me space travel and lasers, and sci fi armor, right next to magic and fantastical monsters. Yea it's cool. Super cool.

As for the "dungeonmaster" himself, he's lived over a thousand years, travels the galaxies, is pale skinned, wears a cape... yes, definitely a space vampire. He has an obstacle course that nobody out there in the cosmos can conquer. When you see it, it kinda makes one wonder if the universe is filled with bumbling idiots. When we get to see the obstacles, they're reminiscent of the haunted houses I remember visiting as a kid at the local fairgrounds.

Then, despite having cool magic powers handed to him, we're lead to believe that Paul wants nothing to do with the experience except he's gotta save his girlfriend, Gwen. I'm thinking, yes save her but also take advantage of the fact that you're basically now a super hero. And, there doesn't seem to be any real danger, just freaky weirdness and a fun metal show with WASP. (Of course, metal is another integral part of the Sci Fi and Fantasy milieu). Be a little hopeful, Paul! The odds of saving Gwen seem very good even from the onset and you could come out with some big gains. No need to be so distraught!

Of note... Even though it doesn't last long, the claymotion stone statue looks pretty cool. More of this would have made the movie infinitely better.

Then when the dungeonmaster gets the hots for Gwen, we're left contemplating, it's this just another challenge? I mean, the dungeonmaster controls everything. He gave Paul the magic laser wristband, teleports everyone around, gives Paul a cool name "Excalibrate", and the sci fi padded suit of armor. Okay, he's thousands of years old, been traveling through space, and is suddenly attracted to this human woman? And he's convinced she's way too good for Paul? Ten seconds ago dungeonmaster was touting how rare it was to find a warrior as badass as Paul. This is hilarious!

And handcuff lasers.

And Battle Truck (speaking of another movie I should write about!!) style dune buggies chasing each other with the most weak laser battle ever. (I made a movie with friends in high school that had similar laser effects) It's still cool. Finally, in this scene, Gwen kicks some butt and she doesn't need a talking computer to do it, just lasers. And the desert bad guys speak jawa. The desert chase may be the best part of the movie.

Lessons of logic to be learned from Rage War/ The Dungeonmaster:

1. Yelling can be the quickest and surest way of problem solving, especially if you have a sweeeeeet pun in mind.

2. Cool guys smoke cigarettes, wear leather jackets, and have nicely processed hair. These guys may also be psychopathic murderous aholes.

3. Police care more about what kind of donut is available than the incredibly odd person they just arrested

And so we continue...

Another take on Mestema, the dungeonmaster, maybe twin to Vigo from Ghostbusters 2?

In the end, The Dungeonmaster is a brutally mediocre movie. Or maybe it's just that it's pretty much a bunch of short movies and it was tough to string the plot together through them. Oh well. It's still worth seeing once.

Sci-Fighters (1996)

It took me 3 days and sitting down on 4 different occasions to get through Sci-Fighters. I really like Roddy Piper and find myself enjoying his weird acting despite a movie being pretty bad. That almost sums up Sci-Fighters.

Jayne Heitmeyer, as Kirby, is probably the best overall performance. She does a good job being a sexy badass smart scientist that puts up with some BS to get the job done. Piper's character, Cameron, has got lots of issues and hides behind his cop shield to avoid dealing with them. Piper has to save the day all over the place, Cameron emotionally and kicking butt against the bad guy. That is basically the whole plot. It is nice to see Kirby defy some of the stereotypes for a female main character in a low budget action movie from the 90s.

Then we have Billy Drago's character, the escaped criminal Adrian. Seems to me like some makeup artist wanted to do some gross effects and that character is what somehow happened. It's never explained what he's infected with. A virus? Space alien? Parasitic worms? Lots of explanations happen throughout but none seem settled upon. Also, for how crazy the stuff can spread, sure is weird that more people didn't contract it. Ultimately maybe it doesn't matter. It's a cool weird creepy bad guy. Who cares if how the thing is involved in the story seems like it was made up along the way, while making the movie.

Sci-Fighters isn't the best in any category but I still know I'll watch it again. There's a cheese ball charm to it that is good enough, even if just barely.