Blue Demon (2004)

Ahhh.... tonight I watched Blue Demon, one of the worst shark movies I've ever seen and let me assure you, I've seen many. And many are very, very bad. 

I was however, still entertained. 

Besides the plot, the other mystery to Blue Demon is how on Earth this movie managed to have some notable actors. It's got a very made- for-TV look and barely manages to feel PG13, which is hard to do with a shark movie when it's assumed action and violence are much of the genre's appeal. There's not much of either one in this movie. Instead there's CGI sharks, CGI water, and even CGI golden gate bridge. The sharks, when they're in real water, appear to be nothing more than floating fins. What saves the movie is the hope that it was a college student's junior year project and the campy feel, and script that actually matches the vibe of the movie. 

Deedee Pfeifer is the real star of the movie and while she's not the draw of her older sister, she's decent in the role of the shark scientist. Although, my only knowledge of her career was that she's posed in Playboy. 

Her ex/husband, also scientist,  is played by Randall Batinkoff who's one of those actors who looks familiar, but you can't place him, because he's had a tiny role in a million things. I can't say much more about him. 

Danny Woodburn plays their grumpy boss. He's funny in the role. Dead Ant is the only movie I know him from and is one I like more than I'd like to admit. But, because of that role, I enjoyed him more than I probably would have otherwise. 

Finally of note, Jeff Fahey plays the terrorist patriot cigar smoking overly dramatic general. This is a goofy role and makes me think he either owed someone a favor or his career had fallen on hard times. I don't know. I hope he didn't give up more than a weekend for his part in the shooting of Blue Demon. If so, I'm not sure it was worth it. 

Blue Demon has the honor of also having the worst car chase scene I've ever seen. Both cars come out completely unscathed, begging the question, who loaned them to make this movie? (Yes, you can borrow my car for the chase scene... it's in the lot... but not a scratch! Ya hear me!) A maroon Saab and a lorry, so the whole chase doesn't look to exceeded 35 mph. It's completely underwhelming. I was amazed how much so, actually. 

What's going on with the plot you may wonder? Mind controlled sharks get loose and kill a couple people but mostly scare people, then one named Red Dog gets ahold of a Russian nuclear bomb and kills one guy. They may be in a fresh water lake? Maybe the ocean? Yes. The plot is bad but actually sort of works for me as far as crappy shark movies go.

It's the terrible CGI and complete lack of action that puts this one on the never-watch-again list. I'm generally turned off by a movie considered violent, but Blue Demon didn't have enough for me. 

This whole movie got me wondering if actors keep DVD or Blue Ray copies of their own works around the house. Because, if so, I'm thinking any who own this one,  most likely never put it on. 

Attrition (2018)

In an alternate universe, in Thailand, Steven Seagal goes by Axe, a doctor who solves the world's problems with simple solutions. He doesn't want money because he has tons. He just wants to heal people. He doesn't want to solve problems with violence because it was long ago that he did stuff like that. But when a village has young girls getting kidnapped, he's ready to help out and go back into the action.

Attrition was written by Steven Seagal and the movie has all the classic Steven Seagal moments one might desire, along with some surprises. And the bad guy is sufficiently brutal. And there's some supernatural stuff going on, which is somewhat rare for a Mr. Seagal movie. This movie delivered on so many fronts, I'm actually amazed.

Cool lines? Check. Break a table? Check. Teach some idiot the error of his ways? Check. Save helpless people? Check. Windmill slap fight? Check. Special forces background? Check. Whispery voice with multiple languages and sometimes bro talk? Check. And there's a whole lot more. 

For the longtime Seagal fan, I'm gonna say, it's actually a must see. And I don't mean you saw Under Siege and Out For Justice back in the day, I mean you've seen a bunch of Seagal movies, truly get what he's made for films over the years. If you're that person, this movie is for you. 

You can also enjoy how Axe is spoken to in Thai but only responds back in English. It's such a weird move and something only Steven Seagal could pull off in a movie. Seagal also bestows a nearly endless barrage of wisdom in such a Seagal kind of way that it's borderline intoxicating. Wisdom despite using words like "bro" and "y'all", so Seagal and so awesome. 

It seems like most Seagal movies in the past couple decades have either been shoot em up military style or martial arts style, this one gives a little of each but definitely more martial arts... my preference. So while I'm suspicious that a stunt double gets significant screen time, the martial arts scenes are at least kinda neat. And a couple parts are downright awesome. At least on par with some Kung Fu Legend Continues action and they get better as the movie progresses.  

Axe gets his old team together. Then we get a glimpse of his pre wizened monk life self and it's reminiscent mostly of Steven Seagal. I keep thinking, Steven thought back on Submerged and wished for something a little cooler. This is way cooler.

By the time the team goes on the rescue mission, there's less than 30 min of movie left. Perfect. Attrition clocks in at a satisfying 85 min. It's good all the way through. The support cast team members are all badasses in their own rights and compliment Axe well. And, the ending delivers. 

Overall, I'd say this is one of Seagal's best in recent years. Axe sums up Attrition when he beats the crap out of a dude and tells the shopkeeper, "I pay for everything. Don't worry brother. "

Mandroid (1993)

I first heard of this movie after looking up the term "mandroid" in google and having it come up. That goes back to the 80s and when I first saw the exceptional film, Eliminators, which continues to be one of my all time favorites (and hence, fostered my affection for Denise Crosby... one of my all time favorite actresses!!) and the only other movie I know of that has a "mandroid" in it. Two very different mandroids, but I like em' both.

So, here we go. This movie, the first in a two movie series, tells the origin story of a couple super hero esk characters and a villain. The whole movie has a made-for-TV superhero vibe, although these are not your typical Marvel style heroes. Instead, they're much closer to regular every day folks. Their powers are not through the roof tough, but they have powers nonetheless.

We meet a couple scientists, Zimmer and Drago. They've worked together for years, but Drago goes evil. Eventually he gets turned into a goblin faced Dr. Doom and becomes as visually terrifying as he is evil. It's such a generic bad guy origin story that I couldn't help but love it. The two of them built mandroid together, a robot body that can be controlled by a VR headset that looks startlingly like those goggles people put their phones into nowadays, for a phone VR experience. This movie came out in '93, so that wasn't really around yet. It's a little funny looking back.

We also have Zimmer's daughter, Zanna, who's kinda tough and kinda just around helping out her father. She's more badass than you think she's gonna be, shooting bad guys when they try to murder her dad. She has other moments as well and while she doesn't get any super powers, I'd still count her as part of the super team.

Dr. Wade, played by Brian Cousins (who could almost go on my looks-like-Christopher-Reeves list), ends up being the person controlling Mandroid for much of the movie and I think that's the main reason he ends up being around. He's also a love interest for Zanna.

Finally, there's Ben Knight. He's the most superheroish of the whole group. In fact, having him around makes it a superhero movie for me. Without him, it might just be a movie about a VR controlled robot. But, no. Knight gets knocked in a freezer and exposed to some strange science, then gets turned invisible. It's a tragic and wonderful opportunity for him. The whole next movie is centered around him.

Okay, there's a struggle over who's going to get Mandroid and that is the central plot. Everybody versus Drago. In the end, there's not a lot of resolution, kind of like a 90s comic book story. The movie is set up for a sequel and it's always fun to see an origin story. It's obviously sort of low budget, but I don't think that detracts from it. It drags in parts, but I keep watching. The acting isn't great, but it's cheesy enough as to be appealing in a certain kind of way. The whole movie feels like a slice out of a much longer timeline. There's other stories to tell here, such as Zimmer and Drago's lives before Mandroid. And, after the sequel, that feeling continues. I do wonder if the creators had plans for a lot more, but maybe lost interest or more likely... these movies didn't generate enough money or viewership. It's still some nice fodder if you're going to run a superhero ttrpg. 

The Amazing Transparent Man (1960)

The beginning is reminiscent of Dark Passage as a prison break is in progress. The movie has some similar enough themes, I wonder if the makers of The Amazing Transparent Man had that one in mind. The actor playing Faust even has a bit of Bogart's demeanor and look. 

Mr Faust is the escapee. Another fellow, The Major, lays down some blackmail words, first threatening Faust's family then threatening to turn him in to the authorities. Despite declaring "a man with a gun doesn't have to bargain", another guy with a bigger gun is all the persuasion Faust needs to join sides with the Major. Faust is in line to get paid if he goes along with some "experiments". 

Peter Ulaf is the scientist to do the experimenting. If this movie was made today, Steve Buscemi would be a nice pick for his role. The scientist uses x-ray alpha, beta, and omega rays for maximum effectiveness. That works for me. 

Wow, the good doctor can turn a guinea pig invisible with his science machine. There's no doubt it'll work perfectly on Faust. And there's no reason to wonder about the door that's off limits. Ahhhhhh,  intrigue!

We find out that Dr Ulaf is also being blackmailed, his daughter has been kidnapped. All of a sudden, Faust seems like the closest thing to a good guy. Supposedly she's being hidden behind the mysterious door. 

Pretty soon it's no surprise, after being turned invisible, Faust figures he has the advantage and asks for more money and makes lots of threats. I'm going to be honest and say, thinking about what it would be like to make a film like The Amazing Transparent Man, I'd be just itching to make this scene. Being able to take advantage of the ridiculous special effects (that can be the magic of film, especially of this type!) would just be too much fun. The only thing that would make it better were if Vincent Price were somehow in the scene. Then, though, the movie would probably be too stinking good for me to even blog about!! Anyway... Faust is going to rob some banks, that's apparent. What else?

TATM is one of those movies where it seems like if the characters could all just sit down and have a chat, maybe try and get along, they could come up with a plan that everyone was satisfied with. That aspect reminds me of Batman Vs. Superman. Then I keep thinking, if Daniel Craig and Colm Meaney's characters from Layer Cake had been able to turn someone invisible, well, it would have been very, very profitable. 

When Faust steals from a vault, I can only imagine the glee that the filmmakers had making the vault door open and cranks turn. It must have been loads of fun.

Soon we learn that the process to turn Faust invisible is actually poisonous and possibly will put him beyond saving. The Major doesn't care if it kills Faust. Faust is a bad dude, but the Major is a worse bad guy. It's interesting to watch a movie from 1960 where there seriously isn't any clear protagonist. 

During the next robbery, in broad daylight, the invisibility wears off mid robbery. When the police find out it's Faust and that he can turn invisible, they're just thinking... well there's certainly no way we can get around that. I'm thinking, do you want to try?? Maybe do a bit of brainstorming? Ask some other police? It's funny that they think there's just no way around it. 

Faust decides to leave town, giving the right share of money to Laura, the getaway driver, as promised. So, maybe Faust isn't such a bad guy after all? Now he's appearing and disappearing. Something is wrong, but Dr. Ulaf won't do anything about it until he and his daughter can be taken somewhere safe. Even when they lock up the Major, it's too bad Julian the shotgun cowboy is in the way. It's a good thing Laura had some dirt on the Major lying to him, or they'd have been screwed. 

Faust doesn't want to help the doctor and his daughter, he only cares about himself! As he declares. He comes across like a regular Han Solo, a bad boy with a conscience to which the world has just delivered a bad hand. Now we find out that Faust is going to die from radiation poisoning, along with Dr. Ulaf. Ulaf says, "there's a man who's unlocked every door except the one to his own soul. Now he has the key." It's a nice bank robber metaphor. 

The Major escapes (since nobody thought to take his gun when locking him up) and Faust goes back to finish him off. They duke it out with fisticuffs. Everything gets blown up when the Major messes with the invisible machine and the nuclear device that was part of it. It's basically a nuclear bomb that goes off. Thankfully the house was out in the middle of nowhere. 

In the end, The Amazing Transparent Man is an enjoyable short odd movie with memorable moments. It could never be called good, but that doesn't matter. It is exactly the kind of movie that I wanted it to be. 

They Saved Hitler's Brain (1968)

Mellow meandering piano music invites the viewer to enjoy mundane conversation between a couple people definitely well practiced in generally figuring stuff out. The woman is named Tony and the dude is Victor. Victor's mustache is a champ. We learn about the presence of fanatic pockets of nazis left over from the war, living in Mandoras. Okay. Then some doctors give a lesson on nerve gas.

Things get serious when there's a mysterious kidnapping and a guy got beat up. 

Tony stumbles upon some gangsters who look suspiciously like the Blues Brothers who've accidentally given prof Coleman an OD. She runs off to tell Victor over a phone call. These gangsters are also apparently nazis. Go figure. 

While searching for Tony, Victor runs into the old man from Punky Brewster, who tries to shoot him but Victor shoots first. Tony comes out of nowhere, she's shot too. How? Who knows. Victor takes off and is chased. Car chase. Victor crashes and dies. WTF.

Where's Hitler's brain??

Cut to a happy couple enjoying life. It's the professor's daughter and son in law. When they go outside, they're surprised by a stranger. They all decide to go for a car ride. The stranger gets shot in the neck in the most unlucky way possible, somehow. They ditch the corpse in a phone booth. 

A short plane ride later, the couple is in Mandoras. In their a hotel room, a guy sneaks in. A short fight later, he seems to be a buddy of the stranger shot in the car. He conveys a nice flashback and tells how Hitler's brain was saved!! 

It isn't too long before they learn of the nazi plot and prof Coleman is there, too, trying to wake up. The young couple is told that nazis are prepared to take over the world with cells they have in lots of countries! How is this orchestrated you wonder?! Hitler's brain!! In a glass case kept alive. Woot! The crazy moment we've been waiting for, only an hour into the movie. 

These nazis... it's like somebody ought to tell them their technology is 25 years old, their uniforms, the whole schtick, all out of date. Anyway, they have a plan to gas a town and kill everybody so they can build a base. Classic. 

Thankfully the Americans have some grenades and when Hitler and his buds try go gas the town, they're ready. They blow up the nazi helicopter and station wagon, effectively melting Hitler's face in the car wreck. Literally. 

Apparently this is enough to topple all nazi plans worldwide. 

Another nazi plot foiled! The End.

Overall They Saved Hitler's Brain is a boring movie with about 10 minutes of worthwhile hilarious footage. 

Collision Course (1989)

On some level it's just nice to know Jay Leno and Pat Morita made a buddy cop movie in the 80s, even though it was possibly the lowest point in the screen careers for either of them.

Leno's character is goofball macho loser loud mouthed ladies man Detroit detective Tony Costas. Morita is bumbling lucky aloof wizened Tokyo detective Fuji Natsuo. I'm gonna be honest though, I was really just excited to see Soon Teck Oh play Natsuo's superior... I only knew his acting as the bad guy general from an old favorite, Steele Justice (I will write about that one on here at some point!). He's just as grumpy and likable as he is in that one.

The music is a hot 80s ST that makes you wanna work out with leg warmers on.

Ernie Hudson plays a supporting role as another cop, named Shortcut. A movie about this character would probably be better than this one.

There's oddly racist and sexist comments throughout the movie. I'm left wondering, is it just a sign of the times and that those comments were more acceptable in 1989? Is it Detroit culture? Or was the movie widely offensive back then? Dang, I wish I had some more context. One thing is for sure, some of the lines simply do not fly today and simply fall flat. When watching movies, it's important to reflect on the times when they were made and it sure can be weird sometimes. For Collision Course it at least bumps the rating up from PG to PG13, in my opinion.

Costas and Natsuo spend just as much time not getting along as they do teaming up. At many points it's more conflict than them trying to track down who's behind a murder and mobsters blackmailing the owner of a Detroit high end car company that stole an experimental Japanese motor.

Chris Sarandon plays a rich bad guy, who's mostly just a turd of a human being and owns a car company. He's not too threatening. If the two police could work together a little earlier, the movie could never have lasted to feature length. Even the gangsters involved don't seem all that competent. Eventually we see the gangsters add central to being antagonists. Although, the car company guy started it all and seems to just get away scot free. 

Tom Noonan's character, Scully, is pretty much the only bad guy that does anything too threatening. But I'm thinking the only reason he can be taken seriously at all is due to his portrayal of Francis Dollarhyde in Manhunter (a pretty darn good movie, if you haven't seen it). But even he can't do much to get at the heros despite having an absolute arsenal at his disposal. 

Sure there's some car chases, a shootout, and Costas even gets shot. The goons are worse shots than storm troopers, though. The climax is an awesome move by Natsuo that I'll look forward to every time I watch this movie. But the setup is pretty contrived, with the lead gangster determined to drive over the 2 cops. I mean, why'd he want to do that? To die with a super sweet kick through his windshield, apparently. 

Everything mostly works out in the end and the movie seems set up for a potential sequel. It's probably a good thing that never came to be. 

The Alien Factor (1978)

The Alien Factor is the kind of movie starring actors, on IMDB, known for their performances in The Alien Factor. Some lackadaisical cowboys are on a mission to hunt down what could only be a wild animal terrorizing youths, but we know it was The Alien Factor.

It's a great Alien Factor indeed. It could be a zombie insect humanoid, but more likely just a guy covered with black duct tape and raisins. Guns don't hurt it so it seems likely everyone in the little mountain town is screwed. With cinemagic in full effect, it's like the monster's magic powers elicit memories of Bed Nobs and Broom Sticks. There's lots of colored misty stuff and things, all somewhat psychedelic. The theremin heavy music adds to the effect.

Another of the aliens, a static robot? And one has claws? It's honestly hard to tell if it's multiple aliens or just such crap lighting and all the same one. I dunno.

Thankfully a meteor specialist slash crackpot UFO nerd shows up. He's just the untrained kind of person to run around in the woods and not help out with a wild goose chase.

The spaceship they find in the snow is pretty cool, actually its one helluva sight.

Then loser mayor and UFO specialist find tracksuit alien who only speaks through psychic purple glitter energy. It's near dead, but thankfully they talk to it in time to learn that the crashed spaceship is actually a bomb about to explode.

Okay, confirmed... the tracksuit alien was transporting zoo specimens. There's at least 3 different ones. At least one is a crafty energy being. And they're murderous.

Thankfully the UFO guy figured out that using a high frequency "sound field" via an old PA speaker was all that was needed to kill bug alien. That was fortuitous.

How did the bad aliens get defeated? Big reveal time. Thankfully the UFO nerd was a good person alien in disguise, there to save the human race. Too bad it was the only alien in the movie susceptible to bullets. The trigger happy country boys finally get their day. Dead good guy alien. Sad ending. Boooo. The humans still couldn't get past the idea that just because an alien looks like an ewok on meth, it isn't such a bad dude. The end.